I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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