I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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