I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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