I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
