you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
