If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
