before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
