u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
