Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
