Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
