you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
