hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
