wat bout pragnant strippers??
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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