I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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