I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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