Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
