He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
