Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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