Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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