I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
