I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
