roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize