I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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