I cannot find my penis.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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