also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
