I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
