I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
