yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
