I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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