thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize