as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
These tits shall not be calmed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
