I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
