winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
