Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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