I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
