Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
