I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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