I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
