you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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