He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
