"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
