you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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