I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
