The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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