No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
