You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
