Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Soap is not a condiment
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
