he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
