Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
