On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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