i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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