Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
