turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
