sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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