capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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