I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
