I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize