the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
