New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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