she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
