Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
