A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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