i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have aggressive nipples.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
