Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need a beard to bite.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
