wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
