Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize