Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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