I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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