I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
