Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
