Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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