I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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