I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
