We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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