you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
