Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
