the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
