Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
