i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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