At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
