You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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