He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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